To the outside world I was a woman who had it all. 51 years old, married to a good looking guy, a pleasant home, a good car, two grown up kids and a grandchild. Life was great! What more could I want?
I will answer this in two short phrases: Happiness and freedom to be myself. The trouble was my husband just happened to be a narcissist.
This blog is about a middle aged woman and her journey back to happiness. I hope it provides inspiration to those who are thinking of coming out of a long marriage or who suddenly find themselves alone in their middle years when their partners move on to younger models to massage their fragile egos.
This quote by Maria Consiglio states that you won’t know if you will ever be the same again and you won’t. However, when you have been broken down to a whisper of your former self then step out the other side slowly very slowly a rebuilding takes place, a getting back in touch with the person who never went away but was merely hidden under the dark cloud that is abuse and you will come to love her and appreciate her all the more because of the wounds that have healed.
“The after effects of Narcissistic Abuse.
Even if you are over the narcissist, you still experience so much psychological trauma, your brain is affected, your functioning is affected, the way you see the world is affected. There is so much damage in these relationships. The stress alone has dire effects on your health. Your body can not be in the hyper vigilance mode constantly and not be affected. Your cortisone levels are high and you are exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. You feel different like you don’t fit in the world anymore. You feel broken and like no one understands. How could they? When you didn’t even know the extent of the damage that was ensuing. You come out of this relationship scared and bruised and completely lost. Not knowing if you will ever be the same again. Feeling like you will ever fit into the world again. They break you down in a way that no words can neither accurately explain or describe.” – Maria Consiglio
I Know Why You Stayed 