There are many things that happen to us during our lives that the conscious mind archives away, hidden from everyday thought. When we least expect it something will happen that can bring these memories speeding to the front of the brain like a runaway train.
This has happened to me before. My belief is that memories are brought to the fore when the time is right for them to be looked at, honoured and released so that this part of our past experience is healed, it isn’t always easy, especially if they catch you off guard.
I have recently begun watching a series called MAID on Netflix, it was recommended to me, but with a gentle warning that it might spark some memories. I wasn’t expecting that to happen within the first 10 minutes, but it did!
Here is what happened; A woman; frightened, a partner drunk and shouting abuse, a small child sleeping a short distance away. It was beginning to feel very familiar. The man’s anger escalates and in a split second the character, Maddy, makes decision to leave, she waits for him to go outside for a cigarette, grabs her child and makes her way to the car to drive away. As she does so her partner notices and chases after her hitting the car and screaming abuse.
As this happens I am immediately transported back over three decades. It is a time machine that is more impressive than Doc’s DeLorean in Back to the Future! I can see the carpet and curtains in the house, I can smell the room, I can see my child’s sleepy face as they are lifted from the cot, I can see his face, spitting and snarling through the windscreen, his fists hitting the bonnet of the car and those eyes that have the ability to shapeshift into something demonic. Such a clear memory of something I had blocked out. This part of the story could have been written about me, but not just me literally hundreds and thousands of women across the world every single day.
“Almost one in three women aged 16-59 will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime.
Office for National Statistics (2019) Domestic abuse in England and Wales overview: November 2019.
In the year ending March 2019, 1.6 million women experienced domestic abuse
Office for National Statistics (2019) Domestic abuse victim characteristics, England and Wales: year ending March 2019″
Refuge.org.uk
These shocking figures are just from England and Wales. Imagine the figure globally, particularly in countries where this is still considered a private matter. I will add here that abuse goes both ways and there are men who are in situations of domestic abuse too, however, I am a woman and therefore will stick with what I know as this is written from my personal perspective.
I drove the 300 miles back to my hometown, small child sleeping in the back, tears rolling down my face. Now that the memory has been revisited I can look at it, honour it and finally lay it to rest, I am grateful to the makers of this programme for this and for highlighting the complexities of an abusive relationship.
Of course, I went back to him, most people have many attempts to leave and then return for a variety of reasons, the overriding one being love and I did love him with every fibre of my being. I went on to have a second child and that is a blessing that can never be regretted.
This memory can now float away from the dark corners of my mind like a feather floating on a gentle breeze, no longer will it hit me like a truck when I am least expecting it. It is just a part of my history that has shaped the woman I am today – and she’s doing just fine!
If you need help:
I Know Why You Stayed 