Nobody would willingly get into a relationship with a narcissist there is a chain of events that happens along the way; little by little a process of disempowerment takes place.
In the beginning…….
When the narcissist first enters our life they are charm personified. They say the things we want to hear, they want to spend time with us, bring us gifts. We tell our friends that we have met ‘the one’. They make us feel special.
But then……
It doesn’t take long before bewilderment sets in. That one day they don’t arrive when they say or forget to call. That’s normal though isn’t it? After all there was a plausible excuse, wasn’t there? On that day something happens within you, a feeling in your gut. Something feels off.
Afterwards…….
You think you have received an apology, but later when you replay what was said in your head, you realise it wasn’t an apology at all, it went something like this: ‘I am sorry you feel like this.’ And ‘It couldn’t be helped, I was really busy.’ Again something doesn’t sit quite right, but then for a few days they are attentive and loving until you put the incident from your mind.
Then……
It happens again. And again. And again.
The talk……
It is time for a chat. You explain that you don’t feel this is the right way to be treated. After a while you find yourself apologising. In that moment all blame has neatly been transferred to you and you didn’t even notice it happening.
This is the point where we should all jump ship, but we don’t. Over the weeks, months and years things go from bad to worse. This is the mind f**k that is a relationship with a narcissist. The Jekyll and Hyde scenario that is emotional abuse. It gets to you like a dripping tap; drip, drip,drip until one day a flood. A breaking point. That is when things begin to change.
* The artwork for this post is the property of this website and may not be reproduced.
Hidden Barbs is a digitally manipulated photograph that has formed the basis of the Secret Garden painting, the tonality is largely grayscale, 3 pieces barbed wire hidden in the foliage illustrate the feelings of loneliness, entrapment and depression of a home where there is abuse. There is a window in the brick wall with blue sky beyond – freedom beyond the bars. The bars are symbolic of the fear of escape.
The wire has been removed from a painting by artist D and used with permission.
I Know Why You Stayed 